It’s Official

No more babies for us! Sad isn’t it!?! 2 is enough, at least that’s what I keep being told. Hailey is 4 months already. They grow so quickly, that I know it’s why I keep wanting to have more. They are only truly dependent you for about 12 weeks, then they are holding their head up, seeing the world. Not that she still doesn’t need me for food, to be changed, and she can’t speak yet, but mothers know what I mean. At 12 weeks that new born is gone. You have this little person that is figuring out the world.

When I first got pregnant with Ava, I knew I wanted 2 children, knew I wanted them close in age, and knew that I would be overwhelmed by it all but do it. When I got pregnant with Hailey and was miserable and sick for all of the 9 months, I still said 3 would be nice. I kept being told by my wonderful husband, 2 is enough. That is the song he keeps singing.       

Now here we are, Hailey is 17 weeks old, and its official, there will be no more babies from this Bowers family. I guess we will leave it up to the other 2 Bowers boys. My heart is sad. I never saw myself with a big family, maybe no children at all until I met Kenny. When we began dating, all my views of parenthood changed. I had not really wanted children until at least the age of 30. I wanted to work.

 I met Kenny at age 21; I wasn’t quite ready for children at that point. As we continued to date and to get to know each other, I knew he would be a great husband and a better father.  In 2007 my niece Emily was born and I wanted a kid. She was the most precious little thing I had ever seen. It amazed me that I had felt her in my sister’s stomach then here she was.

So I started bugging Kenny, wanted to get married, needed to get married, so we could start having babies. He, as usual, does everything in his own time, he kept telling me he wasn’t ready and no we weren’t getting married anytime soon.  I had set a date for 2008, told him it was a great year to get married and start our life together. We both had good jobs and we were awesome as a couple. He just laughed at me. It became a thing. He would say something negative about marriage, especially in front of our already married friends, and then I would just spit out the date! Almost like he already put the ring on my finger and it was set!

He totally surprised me with a marriage proposal in 2007; I honestly didn’t think he would do it until 2008 or after. So I took a year to plan our perfect day and then started talking kids. We agreed on 2 little ones, even though I was talking 3 or 4. I told him that my sisters and I were close in age and I would love to have ours close also. He agreed.

I kept telling people while pregnant with Hailey, we are going to keep being poor until we are done. Children are expensive. It takes a lot to provide for them. We have one using formula and both are in diapers. Those 2 expenses alone are high demand in our house.

People look at me like I am crazy when I mention I wouldn’t mind another child. I always get ‘a family of 4 is what the world was made for’ ‘don’t do an odd number’ ‘you want 3 kids why?’ ‘why don’t you wait a while’ ‘you should be happy with what you got’

I am happy, I would never tell my girls, ‘I had you but I really wanted another’ OH NO I would never. I just feel in my bones that I am not done with babies.

A friend thinks that just means I will have a higher calling, maybe adoption, maybe foster care, maybe just watching friends/families children to give them a break. Kenny and I haven’t discussed any other options other than he is done with babies. He likes Ava’s age; he likes to be able to be rough playing, he likes being able to be told what they want instead of the guessing game, he likes being able to run errands and no bottle to worry about. Ava is at an age that she is very low maintenance.  She plays, most of the time she can entertain herself while you are busy with housework, she can talk clearly to have a conversation and tell you what she wants, and she eats whatever we eat.

So while we are done, I will look forward to family and friends having more, spoiling their little ones while mine are growing into independent little girls. It won’t be long before Hailey is crawling, walking, talking, and then the attitude. Ava is well into the terrible 2’s and I have been told that the 3’s are worse. Yay for us!

So no more babies for us but we are blessed, we have 2 healthy little girls that are in love with us and each other. A house full of laughter, crying, screaming, and love. No day is ever the same and there is never a dull moment. You do not use the word “Bored” when you have 2 little girls 2 years apart in the same household. If one is happy, you can bet money that the other one is either crying or mad. Probably all the reason why my husband keeps saying “No”.

Valentines Day!

Yes, I am a week late but better late than never. Our Valentines Day was great! Kenny was actually off for it this year also, his work schedule has has him working the past few years. We started our Valentine's celebrations on the Sunday before going to lunch. We got lucky, mom had taken Ava for the afternoon so we only had Hailey. This allowed a more relaxing lunch. Restuarants and 2 years old don't mix well sometimes.

On Valentines Day, the girls stayed with Kenny, while I went to work. That morning, I gave Ava her treats that were left in her "Love Bug".



She was so excited for all her treats and stickers and pencils, she didnt know what to do with everything. I gave Hailey a card for her scrapbook and she got to taste a few suckers. She also got a Love Bug "Bee" that will be waiting to be filled next year for her.


Kenny received cards from the girls and me. He also was treated with some of his favorite candy.

What did I get? Well I got a beautiful arrangement of flowers with the sweetest note.



It really made my day. My cube smelled wonderful the rest of the day and everyone kept telling me how pretty they were. I am so thankful for my loving family and special days like Valentines. We always tell each other how much we love each other but theres always been something special about Valentines Day that just makes it so magical.

Couponing

So I have been couponing for about 4 months now. I am not really good at it, sometimes we get a super deal, most of the time we don't. I have the binder, a place at the desk for everything, but not a lot of time to really get into it. I see these people get these awesome deals weekly, some that as soon as they get their paper and sales ads are on the road to get whatever product for a couple pennies. I sit here thinking, 'how in the world are they doing it?' How do they find the time to match everything up and go?



After working 40 hours, having the girls in the evenings, and trying to spend some quality time with my husband, who has time to be online all evening checking for coupons and match ups. Well one thing is for sure, I would like to find the time. I would like to save more. As a family of 4 now, we are going to be going through certains items faster the older the girls get.



I'm hoping it will come in due time. Hailey is only 3 months, still getting up at night, I am still exhausted most of the day then getting up with her. Ava is going to bed later and waking up early still. There really is no "ME" time to work on this. But I am still working at it. I still clip. I still organize in my binder. I don't even DO the grocery shopping. Kenny does. So I clip, organize, and hand off to him. Sometimes he uses them, sometimes he doesn't.

Any websites or tips for couponing are always appreciated as I am still learning. I am on a few websites and I see what others are doing. Maybe one day I will be really good at it. But I think with 2 little ones, life will always be just a little busy where when it comes right down to it, I will choose sleep over couponing!

Counting

Ava has started counting. She will be talking to you and start counting. It's so darn cute. Kenny and I just look at each other. She is doing great in the learning department. She is figuring out colors, ABCs, and counting of course. She can now count to 12/13 by herself and I try to chime in as fast as I can to coach her along to at least 20. Sometimes she will repeat, sometimes I get a devilish smile and "Noooo Mommy."

So Ava will call my name "Mooooommmy" or "Daaaaadddy" then say 3,4,5,6 right afterwards. She will be talking on her phone to whomever and start "7,8,9,10". To just listen to her is amazing to me. This little girl who at one day and time couldnt even hold her head up on her own is growing so fast, putting complete sentences together, expressing her opinions, and mouthy as ever.

Now she is counting. I just love watching her develop.

Hold On..

I hear myself saying this phrase more than once during the day. Over and over I am telling Ava to 'hold on' or 'hang on a minute' or 'give me a minute'. Clingy doesnt even describe the phase we are dealing with right now. For almost 2 weeks now, I can not even go to the bathroom without her either by my side or banging on the door. She has always went through these moments, mommy must do everything, no one can do anything for her but me. Yes its flattering, she only wants ME to change her clothes, give her a bath, and help her with whatever she needs, but on the other hand there are 2 parents in this house. She hasnt let her daddy help with much. In fact, even when she begs to go with him to the store and they come back, he is NOT allowed to get her out of her carseat. I must go out in the cold, wind, or rain and get her out or we have to deal with a major meltdown.

You might be thinking, SPOILED right?! Well yes a little but we are also picking our battles. Ava is a very strong willed and stubborn 2 year old. She has a strong blood line of it. She tells you what she thinks. So for the moment, Mommy is doing everything, Daddy tries to help as much as possible.

This time I believe the clingy is a little stronger, maybe its because Hailey is around, maybe its because of my work schedule, or maybe its just her being her. Whatever it is, for 2 weeks now I have been carrying her around, holding her, doing her baths, and everything else. It isn't bad when Kenny is home, he can help with Hailey or at least help with Ava crying while I am trying to do something. She hasnt been too awful when he isnt home, but I am consistantly asking her to 'hold on a minute' or 'hang on' so that I can feed, change, or hold Hailey for 2 seconds while she needs something.

Most nights she has been sitting on my lap with Hailey, or right beside me. I havent discouraged it any since I know one day she will not be like this at all. She will only cling on me when she wants something or is sick. Now I am taking it all in, as exhausting as it all is and reminding myself everyday that she will only be 2 once and then she wont. One day she will leave me to be on her own and I might get a phone call. So I am just going to keep repeating to her to 'hold on' so that I can have a minute then come back and put her on my lap as I have been.

Please vote!!

Who has time for Post Partum?!?!

The other evening, when I was sick and thinking how as a mom I don't have time to be sick and that it needed to leave my body very quickly, I also began thinking, where is this post partum stuff that should have happened. Granted yes I am 3 months post partum and maybe it has passed. After I had Ava, I wasn't depressed I would say, I was just lonely, Kenny was very busy and not home a lot while I tried to figure out the stuff called parenting. I got lucky, I had my crying and fits and after about a month it was done.

During my pregnancy with Hailey, I cried all the time, way more than I ever did any time before that. I am not a crier, things don't make me sad, and I am more aggressive. However during those 9 months, I would cry at a commercial that wasn't even sad! So I thought, 'okay I have been a cry baby for 9 months, post partum is going to suck because I will have 2 people to take care on top of recovery.'

Life has been so busy that I just realized this week, that I haven't really had a bad post partum moment. Not that I am asking for it to show up and turn me into a crazy lady or a weeping woman but just surprised. I thought for sure as strong as my hormones have been that I would be worse this time than last. I am very thankful that I haven't. Kenny hasn't been as busy as he was with Ava, yet he still has his schedule and isn't home when he isn't home. I have had my moments, but they have been more 'I am going to lose my mind if I don't get 10 minutes to myself' instead of crying and feeling overwhelmed. I am chalking it up to being busy. Life with 2 and working full time I don't have time to be sad. Sad over nothing. I don't sit up at night after they have gone to bed, I am sleeping too. I don't have a break in the day to ponder this or that, thinking too much can cause a lot of issues. I have been lucky. Some women have a really bad time with post partum, some need medication, and some need time by themselves.

My time to myself, my bath, yes I can take a bath again! My time! My 20 minutes in the tub, at that time, I go through a to-do list, what I didn't do that should have been done; things I would like to do, and listen to the noises outside of the bathroom. Sometimes there is just the TV, sometimes Ava is screaming at the door for me to come out, sometimes Ava is laughing, running through the house being chased by her daddy, Hailey can now be heard cooing or crying. It's amazing how calming just sitting in the tub can be sometimes.

I don't know what I would have done if my post partum would have been worse, just a few crying spells, mainly when both girls were upset and I was just exhausted. Now we are in a good spot. I know the post partum phase can last a while after delivery, it can affect you at any time, but I am keeping my fingers crossed that my time is over and my hormones are shifting back.

Hormones are weird, I wish husbands could just have one week of the ups and downs and they would never want them back. I felt out of control sometimes while pregnant, angry for no reason, or snapping at someone for a something that they didn't even mean to be put into that context, and like I said, crying for absolutely no reason at all other that the feeling was there and it made me feel better.

I hope life continues to balance itself out and my hormones adjust as challenges come my way. Life can get pretty crazy and unpredictable at times but I hope to keep it under control (or at least try to).

Insert Sad face :(

So my husband has been home with me and the girls for just about 3 weeks. Can you say SPOILED?!?! I have had help when both are upset, help with housework, someone to talk to once the girls are asleep, time to enjoy a bath, and time to do some 'ME' stuff. This blog and my email have actually grown with him being home and giving me some time to just hang out. The girls have absolutely loved having him home but next week sadly he will return back to work.

I probably won't know what to do with myself. How will I go back to doing everything on my own while he is working?  Maybe I will enjoy it, but I don't think so. His schedule is so awful sometimes and seems like he is always at work when we have a bad night or I am just so exhausted and all I want to do is go to bed.

We will get back into the rhythm. We always do when he has a break off but its hard to get back into the swing of things. I only hope that since Hailey is almost 12 weeks that the balance between the two girls will be a little better when I am on my own. Sometimes I wish I worked part time so that I could be home more especially when he is working. After working a full 8 then picking up the girls, getting home, making dinner, and then downtime before bed, it seems like the whole evening is just rushed and flies by.

I think he knows how much we love him being home and how much he will be missed. Ava is finally old enough to express how she feels when he isn't home and lets him know she misses him. Hailey won't be long behind her. So we are going to enjoy the last few days before he gets back on his schedule and we are both working and exhausted all the time.

2012 Changes

So a few things will be changing in 2012. Our routine will be different. Our schedule will be a little off. I thought earlier today I should write the things I would like to see change, maybe this will hold me accountable. Maybe it wont. Maybe this time in 2013, I will be thinking that I was crazy for even thinking I could do some of things that I write on here, but hey lets give it a shot.

1. My schedule at work is changing due to the change of babysitters. Instead of getting there between 730 and 800, I will now arrive between 830 and 900. Since I will be leaving the house a full hour later, I want to continue getting up at 530 as usual and getting myself ready.
              a. I want to clean up some of the clutter off the floor
              b. I want to start laundry so I can finish in the evening (tired of spending my entire weekend doing laundry instead of playing with the girls)
              c. I want to straighten up the kitchen, maybe even get the dishwasher running
              d. I want to take another glance of myself before walking out the door (so many mornings we are rushing)
              e. I want to eat breakfast instead of leaving the house hungry
              f. I want to sit on the couch with my girls and watch cartoons

2. Working 40 hours a week doesnt leave a lot of time, but I would like to visit more with my friends and give Ava some playdates. She will be home with Kenny a little more and I think playdates will help the transition of being only with Hailey (11 weeks old) alot. Everyone is busy, but I think I can make time to see my little girl happy playing with her friends. She needs to be social.

3. Girl time: I need to make time for ME and my friends. Its really hard to do anything and I hate leaving the girls sometimes but I need to make a habit of maybe once every 6 months going out with a friend or two and getting out of the house. Work is not a fun time out of the house. This one will probably be hard to do but it may happen.

4. Couponing and Saving-I got into couponing a little bit before Hailey was born and completely quit after she was born. I continued to clip just not shop. So I need to make a better habit of shopping to save and not just buying whatever. I want to make a big effort to stock up when the sale is good so maybe that item wont have to cut into the budget next time. I have my binder all cleaned out and ready for the new year. I need to watch the sales, work on checking the websites to help me, and try to get as many match ups as I can.

5. Potty Training-Ava has tried potty training, but we havent become anywhere near serious about it yet. She'll be 2 1/2 here soon then 3 in September, this spring, I want to work on that hard with her and see where we get. She does well when she wants to but when she is stubborn and decides she isnt going to, she refuses. So far I am not pushing the issues, she's still young, but I know she can do it, she has done it, and soon enough I hope its a done deal.

6. Patience-(enough said right?)

7. I want to continue working on my training at work and getting better at my job. It can only help my chances in the future and the more I know, the more I can help someone else. Gotta take my time and make sure I am covering all my bases and helping the mariners out the best I can.

8. Housework-we are pretty good at keeping the kitchen clean, however the rest of the house lacks. If I can keep up with #1 then maybe I will have more time on the weekends to tackle the big areas I always put off. Its just going to get harder with 2 little ones, eventually Hailey will be rolling, crawling, then running through the house with Ava. But it needs to get done.

These are just a few things on my mind right now. I would really like to stick to them. We shall see. I would love to not get lazy in the mornings and sleep in when I am given the opportunity. Even if the girls adjust to the new schedule and begin sleeping longer, I would love to get up and get the easy things done in the middle of the week. The weekends should be for relaxing, family, and friends, not laundry, cleaning, laundry, organizing, laundry, and more laundry.

New Years Day

Well first of all I want to say how different our New Years celebrations are now from when we began dating in 2004. Now we dont even try to make it to midnight. One thing that hasnt changed though is we celebrate the New Year with our friends. I first met Jamie and Katy on New Years 2004-2005, it was Kenny and I's first New Years together. Jamie and Kenny worked together at Southern States and they had invited us over.

I didnt know anyone there, a house full of people, but Katy made me feel welcomed and we became friends. Now 7 years later here we sat at their house, except now we are married to the men that we were just dating and we have kids running around. She had to work on New Years Day, so we arranged to have dinner at their house and let the kids (men included) play for a while.

It may sound boring to some, but to us it was a good time. The kids watched cartoons and played. Katy and I got the opportunity to catch up with each other and the guys got to hang out in the basement away from the women. It was a nice evening. We were home by 10, asleep by 1030 and wake for New Years day by 6am.

My youngest, Hailey was up at 5:45 moving around, about ready to yell for a bottle, when I took her out to the living room so she wouldnt wake up Kenny or Ava. We watched some sportscenter and Hailey ate her breakfast (formula, yuck, just the smell). Ava wasnt too long after us, asking for chocolate milk and cartoons. So our day began.

Kenny's family has a reunion every year on New Years Day. Its a hit or miss event for us. We had originally decided we werent going to attend. Kenny was working and I didnt want to try to go and keep up with 2 by myself. It would just be easier to stay home. However, Kenny was able to get off, so we decided to go. Its always a nice time, good food, and lots of company. Ava had a ball, she and her cousins ran around and screamed and played the whole time.

After the reunion, Ava's cousin said she wasnt ready to quit playing with Ava. We laughed and invited them over. We were having a great time catching up and the kids wanted to play. So that evening we had a great time with our cousins, extended the family reunion to our living room and watched football while the girls played.

I can say that in a previous post I had said that for this year of 2012 I wanted to become closer to friends and enjoy their company. I was really happy to see that on the first day of the year we were doing that. There is nothing like taking time out, stopping the grown up responsibilities, and just hanging out. We dont get to do that anymore. I hope that we continue doing it and growing closer with our family and friends.

Holding back emotions

Today was a hard day. It was the girls final day at Becky's. Hailey of course only being 2 months old will not remember her short time at Beckys, but Ava is 2 years old with a very good memory. So this morning I dropped them off, didn't say too much, I really didnt know what to say. Ava was so excited to be there. She had been home all week with her daddy and as much as she loves her daddy, I know she was tired of being home. So off to work I went.

The pick up was harder! I had asked Becky to pack up all the baby stuff that she had allowed me to keep at her house. So I took the box of diapers and formula out to the car. I havent explained much to Ava, I know she wont understand much. She gave Becky a kiss goodbye and it hit me. This is the last time for a while that I would be picking her up at that house. I think there will be a time or maybe more times that Ava will go visit with them. She loves the whole family so much. At least I hope so. They are our cousins and will see them again.

So now I am preparing myself for the drop off at the new sitter. So they will start going to my cousins next week. We have visited, Ava did really well, she played, she didnt have a fit. However I did NOT leave. So I am prepared for crying, screaming, and 'I want my mommy'. Everyone keeps telling me they think Ava will do well and I believe she might. She adapts well to different situations. And just as my mother in law told me, "She'll probably be playing within an hour after you leave." All I can say is I really hope so.

So I am scared, nervous, and excited all at one time.

2011 in Review

This year has been one of the hardest on me. Well maybe hard on the whole family. It certainly was like riding a rollercoaster and I HATE roller coasters. So you can imagine that I haven't been at my best this past year. I don't handle some things really well. I am mouthy and tell people what I think when I think it. I am emotional. I am one of those 'emotions on the sleeves' people!

The year began with a kick in the stomach. The US Government posted 34 billets for the job I was doing under a contractor. My workplace was like a madhouse, everyone was talking about how the application process went, when we would find out, and pondering over whether we would all be hired or not.

So in February, we found out that I was pregnant. We couldn't have been happier. But by the time I found out, I was already sick to the stomach and knew I was in for it. So the next 9 months were spent sick, tired, and taking care of Ava.

March, the US Coast Guard began sending out the 'Your HIRED' Tentative offers to the 8/9. By April half of the floor was hired and a few of us were waiting. They were hiring groups at a time within their pay period that falls every 2 weeks. The process was slow and frustrating.

On April 29th, I started out on cloud 9, I woke up at 430AM to watch Prince William marry Kate. Tired from my pregnancy and working full time, I still managed to get up, watch all the coverage and then began my way into work. It was a great day. By 11AM all the billets were full. My name wasn't on the list. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO by June 30th I would be unemployed. I cannot describe what I felt. I went home and just cried on Kenny's shoulder.

I worked May as usual, dealing with anxiety attacks, the stress of looking for another job, trying to eat enough for my growing baby, and going home playing with Ava. By the middle of May, there were lots of rumors that there were people offered positions that were declining. Why would you take the time to apply to a job that you know is LESS money and thousands of miles away from your home?!?! I don't have the answer. But being on the alternate list, I was praying that someone would decline the position and my name would be up. I really like my job and I need to work to help take care of my family. I do not want my children to suffer and not have what they need because I am not working. I don't want my family to have to give up the "extras" because we are tight. One income will just not do it. I have never been one that wants to be the family 'that can't afford it', I want to find a way to do what I want and get what I want. I got my wish. By the middle of May, I got my offer letter. Thank the LORD. He is good and he really watches over us. He just made me sweat for a while.

June, I began my career as a Civilian Government employee. Still half sick most of the time but financially secure. My 2nd niece was also born.

By August, we were getting suspicious that our sitter was job hunting. And we started thinking about our options of child care, especially with two. Just when we thought the stress was gone, here comes another brick wall holding things up. We chose the sitter we did because of family and the environment that our kids would be in. So trying to find another home as welcoming and trusting is hard in this day.

In September, we celebrated Ava's 2nd Birthday!! We also received a new payment agreement from our sitter, we thought all this job hunting stuff was behind us and our girls would be taken care of. Everything was good at this point. After Ava's birthday we just were waiting for Hailey to come. Work as usual was busy, so I was occupied with that. Kenny's schedule was becoming crazy, he was helping a friend work on a house, had classes, overtime, and then his normal schedule.

On October 19th, we welcomed Hailey and began our 4 family household. Life was crazy but awesome. I enjoyed my six weeks off and returned to work in December. I was preparing for Christmas and the holidays with family. Then the bomb hit, our sitter finally gave notice. So with the stress of shopping, travelling, a 2 month old, and a mouthy 2 year old we began looking for a new sitter. Low and behold, we found someone. Another family member. Can you say BLESSED?!?!

So here we are the last week of the year. I am working; Kenny is home with the girls. We have a happy family. At least most of the time. We all have our moments. We've done pretty well sticking together through the thick and the thin. Kenny has been right by my side through all the stress and sickness.

I am looking forward to seeing what 2012 has in store for us. No more little babies. We are done in that department. Sad I know. But Hailey will be learning to crawl, walk, talk, eating food, and hopefully getting on a better schedule. Ava is potty training; hopefully in 2012 she will be in panties and no more diapers or pull ups. The girls will be joining a new family with their sitter, they will meet my mom's side of the family and grow up in the same neighborhood my mom did. I will be changing my schedule to accommodate a new sitter and Kenny will be watching them more when he isn't working.

I don't have any resolutions. I don't keep them anyways. I do hope to continue to grow closer to my husband and my kids. I hope to have more patience for the trying times. I hope to have more time with friends (and their little ones). I want to continue to thrive at my job.

So come on 2012, I think the Bowers are ready for you.

A Special Thank You

The schedule of a firefighter is weird. All departments seem to do it differently. Kennys schedule is okay, he is home alot with the girls, but still gone for 24 hours at a time. Their schedule is known years in advance. Last year when we received the 2011 schedule and looked at all the important dates, Kenny was scheduled for EVERY single major holiday. I wasn't pregnant then and fully prepared to try to enjoy all the holidays and make them special for Ava.

Well Kenny ended up asking a co-worker (thats actually a cousin too), that is unmarried and has no children to trade a day with him. Wouldn't it be great to be decide that you wanted a day off and instead of taking the vacation time or sick time to actually be able to trade a day with someone. My job certainly doesnt work this way.

His cousin will never know how special this is for us. This will be Ava's first really exciting, kinda understanding Christmas, and its Hailey's first Christmas with us. This Christmas we will all wake up together, open presents today, and begin the travelling together. I cannot wait. I think Ava is going to have a blast.

I think it is amazing how selfless someone can be to ensure the happiness of others. He may not see it, he may not even get it, but I will always remember this. My husband will be here for his daughters and able to enjoy Ava's excitement of Santa visiting.

I will never be able to repay this person back or even express how much it means to us. Its just what they do and they dont see it as a big deal. Many other firefighters have done this many years and until this year we got lucky, Kenny hadnt worked. To be able to be off and with your family for the holidays is a special time and the kids may not remember but I will. One day I can tell them that the reason their daddy is in the pictures is because someone else gave up his time on Christmas for us.

Thank you!!

2 years Today

This time 2 years ago, I began this blog. So much has changed since that time. When I first wrote I told everyone about my amazing 3 month old girl and how proud I was to be her mommy. Kenny was at work, so it was just me and her for the day. It had snowed and I was so excited to be home with her for the day.

This year, 2 years later, I am writing about my spunky 2 year old and smiley face 2 month old. At 28 years old, I can say I am pretty happy with my life still. Who wouldn't be?! I have a great job, 2 wonderful kids, and an amazing husband.

This year though Kenny is at work yet again, I had to work the full day, but this evening here I am, home with my 2 little girls, enjoying my time with them. I am coming up on 30 fast but oh well. As long as my family is happy and healthy what does age have to do with it.

I have really enjoyed keeping this blog; I really want the girls to one day look at it and understand all that we went through to make sure they had a pretty good life. Kenny and I would do anything to ensure that they get everything they need. They can use this blog to determine how geeky I was, or maybe they will think it is pretty cool. Everything they have done is documented, my personal feelings revealed. They will know how much they were loved. They will get to read about my relationship with Kenny. It has grown to a level that I could never have imagined. Our understanding of each other and our ability to work with each other and support each other is a feeling that keeps me going every day.

I am trying to take this to another level, gain more readers, and become a better writer. If it doesn't happen oh well, Ava and Hailey will have this for them. I hope to continue writing about our everyday lives and the adventures that the girls endure as they grow. We have a lot to come still.

Merry Flipping Christmas

As usual I have been in the Christmas spirit since the beginning of December, and this year Ava is 2 years old, a great age for this wonderful holiday. Hailey is 2 months old, trying to hold her head up, and more aware of the world around her, who couldn't be happy.

Well, the holiday spirit left me for about 2 days this past weekend, when our sitter dropped a bombshell. She was giving notice. After 2 years of watching my precious little girl, she has decided to do something different. Hailey has just become part of the group.Ava has been with the same 2 little kids her tiny little existence on this planet. She has come to love them very much and is really comfortable with them. In a 2 year olds world, there are a few things that matter and I think consistency is one of them. We do the same routine just about every day of the week; we wake up about the same time, do the same things, and then leave at the same time. Ava knows she only gets to watch so much of her cartoons, although some mornings she is a little hard headed about leaving on time.

So Friday, I drop of the girls, business as usual, and she hits me with 'An offer she couldn't refuse'. So our world is rocked, we weren't prepared for this at all. Do you know how freaking hard it is to find private care at a reasonable rate with people you trust?? There is no option for me to stay at home, so I need to have someone that I can trust with my kids for 9 hours a day.So while part of me is saying 'Yay for her, the opportunity must have been great one and I really want her to succeed', the other part is aching for my 2 year old who loves going to daycare and loves the people she is around all day. How do you explain to a child, you won't be going there anymore?? How to make her understand that this is no longer a place that will be steady in your life? 'You don't', is what my husband texted me back when I asked him these questions as I balled my eyes out at work.

As shocking as this change is, I do have to say I was suspicious. Why do you ask? Because months ago, she had to make arrangements for Ava to be picked up early because an appointment suddenly came up. I have been in the working field for over 10 years and am working at my 8th job. I have used the 'an appointment came up' several times to interview somewhere else. It's like the number one excuse to use to get out of work and try to do something else. We have all used it at one time or another. But I haven't heard that excuse for months now so I thought it was all behind us. WRONG!!!

So now my husband and I are working with our family and the other kid's parents to find a great private sitter, and trying to keep the kids together. I don't know if it's going to work or not. So a week before Christmas I am trying to take care of something bigger than the holiday and just really not in the mood for it all. I want my kids to have a second home with someone they love to spend time with. Ava will probably be fine, Hailey of course has no clue right now. I am hoping to find somewhere with kids around her age, especially if the kids she is with now must go to other places and they cannot stick together. I am told this will be harder all around on me than it will be on her. I pray everyone is right about this and Ava just rolls with the change and thrives with it.