A Special Connection

When changing babysitters, the girls were moving from one cousin’s household to another cousin’s household. It was scary, exciting, and I was an anxious momma until I picked them up on their first day. They have been there for a month now. It seems like they have always been there. Ava fits right in with the other kids and has a great time there. My little chunky monkey, Hailey, is being taken care of and loved very much when I cannot be with her.

Vickie is my mom’s first cousin, my second cousin, Ava and Hailey’s third cousin. She is on the Raines side; her mother and my grandfather were brother and sister. My pap pap Rawhide has been gone for about 15 years now.  Aunt Kathleen, Vickie’s mother, is 86 and battling Alzheimer’s disease, but still moving and able to interact with the kids.  

For whatever reason, Ava just gravitated to Aunt Kathleen. The kids call her ‘grandma’, so does Ava. Aunt Kathleen has a stuff dog toy that she holds onto and treats as if it alive, she cuddles with it, takes care of it, and usually has it right under the blanket with her. Ava has began to carry around a dog toy of her own, (a gift from her Aunt Gail), and has ‘grandma’ take care of it during the day while Ava is playing.

When we walk in the house, she must know where ‘grandma’ is and when she will be up. Vickie has told me that Ava will follow ‘grandma’ around the house and makes sure she stays out of trouble. When Vickie has to take care of grandma and bathe her, Ava has been going in with her and helping. Keeping ‘grandma’ company and talking to her during her bath. I absolutely am amazed about my kind hearted little girl. A 2 year old is being gentle and making sure that this older generation is being taken care of.

One day when we picked them up, Ava and ‘Grandma’ were at the door looking outside, Ava had the biggest grin on her face. To watch Ava interact with her is nice.

My mom thinks that Ava only being 2 and a child of pureness and innocence can sense that something is wrong with Aunt Kathleen and she needs attention. Ava has taken to Aunt Kathleen quick and wants to make sure she is okay. Aunt Kathleen spends her day in the recliner or on the couch; Ava usually has her cup and dog or baby doll next to Aunt Kathleen. She will tell me that ‘Grandma’ is watching it all for her so she can play. I am tickled that Ava is able to be with a generation.

I am proud as a mother that Ava does not pick on her, does not take advantage of Aunt Kathleen’s condition, that she isn’t mean to her, and that she is helping her during the day.

I Want VIIIICKKKIIIIEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Ava has been going to a private sitter for over 2 years. For these two years, I have dropped her off and picked her up with almost no issues. When the weather is nice, she will get distracted and walk off or what to continue to play. That is all easy compared to what I dealt with today. Hailey had her 2 month check up, when I picked her up, Vickie said that Ava told her she wanted to stay with Ms. Vick, so I didnt even tell her I was there. I just got Hailey and out the door we went.

After the appointment, I ran to target really quick then went back to Vickie's to pick Ava up. She had been there most of the day but was the first to leave. I dont know if that made a difference or if she was just having way too much fun. Either way, when I put her in her carseat, the meltdown began. She screamed and cried "I want to play", "I want go back", "I want go Vick's" "I go NO home", over and over again. She finally cried herself to sleep.

An hour later, she woke up from her nap and immediately began crying again. "I want go Vick's!!!!" So another half hour of crying and she finally calmed down, asking for 'fries'. Luckily we had a bag of french fries in the freezer, so fries and nuggets it was for dinner.

Now she is happy, loving on Hailey, telling her she loves her and playing like usual. I'm grateful that we found another child care provider that loves her and she loves going to. She is really looking forward to Thursday and going back to play with the boys.

He Held My Hand

Last night, Kenny and I got to enjoy a rare thing: we enjoyed dinner without having to help feed little ones, sharing our food off of our plate, or switching Ava from one side of the booth to the other. It has been over a year since Kenny and I had dinner without a kid, without pregnancy making me sick and tired, and on a Friday night. My baby sister Ashley and her boyfriend graciously agreed to come babysit so that we could go out for a little bit.

So we went to Outback, we had giftcard and were told it would be a hour wait just to be seated. Kenny said "forget that" and we walked out. We didnt want my sister and her boyfriend to be here until midnight just because Outback was crowded.

So we went to Piccadilly Brew & Pub and enjoyed the evening. Even though we talked about the girls a lot, they are our life, we had some adult conversation. It was nice. We ate dinner, talked, and connected.

The best part of all this is when walking to there and back, he grabbed my hand and we walked. For anyone with children, you know hand holding goes away when you have diaper bags, carseat carriers, and little ones that hands need to be held. It warmed my heart.



Usually when we are out, we are so busy with the girls that we are lucky if we even walk with each other, he'll go away to get what we are at the store for or I will have the cart and walk ahead to keep the girls entertained.

Holding back emotions

Today was a hard day. It was the girls final day at Becky's. Hailey of course only being 2 months old will not remember her short time at Beckys, but Ava is 2 years old with a very good memory. So this morning I dropped them off, didn't say too much, I really didnt know what to say. Ava was so excited to be there. She had been home all week with her daddy and as much as she loves her daddy, I know she was tired of being home. So off to work I went.

The pick up was harder! I had asked Becky to pack up all the baby stuff that she had allowed me to keep at her house. So I took the box of diapers and formula out to the car. I havent explained much to Ava, I know she wont understand much. She gave Becky a kiss goodbye and it hit me. This is the last time for a while that I would be picking her up at that house. I think there will be a time or maybe more times that Ava will go visit with them. She loves the whole family so much. At least I hope so. They are our cousins and will see them again.

So now I am preparing myself for the drop off at the new sitter. So they will start going to my cousins next week. We have visited, Ava did really well, she played, she didnt have a fit. However I did NOT leave. So I am prepared for crying, screaming, and 'I want my mommy'. Everyone keeps telling me they think Ava will do well and I believe she might. She adapts well to different situations. And just as my mother in law told me, "She'll probably be playing within an hour after you leave." All I can say is I really hope so.

So I am scared, nervous, and excited all at one time.

2011 in Review

This year has been one of the hardest on me. Well maybe hard on the whole family. It certainly was like riding a rollercoaster and I HATE roller coasters. So you can imagine that I haven't been at my best this past year. I don't handle some things really well. I am mouthy and tell people what I think when I think it. I am emotional. I am one of those 'emotions on the sleeves' people!

The year began with a kick in the stomach. The US Government posted 34 billets for the job I was doing under a contractor. My workplace was like a madhouse, everyone was talking about how the application process went, when we would find out, and pondering over whether we would all be hired or not.

So in February, we found out that I was pregnant. We couldn't have been happier. But by the time I found out, I was already sick to the stomach and knew I was in for it. So the next 9 months were spent sick, tired, and taking care of Ava.

March, the US Coast Guard began sending out the 'Your HIRED' Tentative offers to the 8/9. By April half of the floor was hired and a few of us were waiting. They were hiring groups at a time within their pay period that falls every 2 weeks. The process was slow and frustrating.

On April 29th, I started out on cloud 9, I woke up at 430AM to watch Prince William marry Kate. Tired from my pregnancy and working full time, I still managed to get up, watch all the coverage and then began my way into work. It was a great day. By 11AM all the billets were full. My name wasn't on the list. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO by June 30th I would be unemployed. I cannot describe what I felt. I went home and just cried on Kenny's shoulder.

I worked May as usual, dealing with anxiety attacks, the stress of looking for another job, trying to eat enough for my growing baby, and going home playing with Ava. By the middle of May, there were lots of rumors that there were people offered positions that were declining. Why would you take the time to apply to a job that you know is LESS money and thousands of miles away from your home?!?! I don't have the answer. But being on the alternate list, I was praying that someone would decline the position and my name would be up. I really like my job and I need to work to help take care of my family. I do not want my children to suffer and not have what they need because I am not working. I don't want my family to have to give up the "extras" because we are tight. One income will just not do it. I have never been one that wants to be the family 'that can't afford it', I want to find a way to do what I want and get what I want. I got my wish. By the middle of May, I got my offer letter. Thank the LORD. He is good and he really watches over us. He just made me sweat for a while.

June, I began my career as a Civilian Government employee. Still half sick most of the time but financially secure. My 2nd niece was also born.

By August, we were getting suspicious that our sitter was job hunting. And we started thinking about our options of child care, especially with two. Just when we thought the stress was gone, here comes another brick wall holding things up. We chose the sitter we did because of family and the environment that our kids would be in. So trying to find another home as welcoming and trusting is hard in this day.

In September, we celebrated Ava's 2nd Birthday!! We also received a new payment agreement from our sitter, we thought all this job hunting stuff was behind us and our girls would be taken care of. Everything was good at this point. After Ava's birthday we just were waiting for Hailey to come. Work as usual was busy, so I was occupied with that. Kenny's schedule was becoming crazy, he was helping a friend work on a house, had classes, overtime, and then his normal schedule.

On October 19th, we welcomed Hailey and began our 4 family household. Life was crazy but awesome. I enjoyed my six weeks off and returned to work in December. I was preparing for Christmas and the holidays with family. Then the bomb hit, our sitter finally gave notice. So with the stress of shopping, travelling, a 2 month old, and a mouthy 2 year old we began looking for a new sitter. Low and behold, we found someone. Another family member. Can you say BLESSED?!?!

So here we are the last week of the year. I am working; Kenny is home with the girls. We have a happy family. At least most of the time. We all have our moments. We've done pretty well sticking together through the thick and the thin. Kenny has been right by my side through all the stress and sickness.

I am looking forward to seeing what 2012 has in store for us. No more little babies. We are done in that department. Sad I know. But Hailey will be learning to crawl, walk, talk, eating food, and hopefully getting on a better schedule. Ava is potty training; hopefully in 2012 she will be in panties and no more diapers or pull ups. The girls will be joining a new family with their sitter, they will meet my mom's side of the family and grow up in the same neighborhood my mom did. I will be changing my schedule to accommodate a new sitter and Kenny will be watching them more when he isn't working.

I don't have any resolutions. I don't keep them anyways. I do hope to continue to grow closer to my husband and my kids. I hope to have more patience for the trying times. I hope to have more time with friends (and their little ones). I want to continue to thrive at my job.

So come on 2012, I think the Bowers are ready for you.

Merry Flipping Christmas

As usual I have been in the Christmas spirit since the beginning of December, and this year Ava is 2 years old, a great age for this wonderful holiday. Hailey is 2 months old, trying to hold her head up, and more aware of the world around her, who couldn't be happy.

Well, the holiday spirit left me for about 2 days this past weekend, when our sitter dropped a bombshell. She was giving notice. After 2 years of watching my precious little girl, she has decided to do something different. Hailey has just become part of the group.Ava has been with the same 2 little kids her tiny little existence on this planet. She has come to love them very much and is really comfortable with them. In a 2 year olds world, there are a few things that matter and I think consistency is one of them. We do the same routine just about every day of the week; we wake up about the same time, do the same things, and then leave at the same time. Ava knows she only gets to watch so much of her cartoons, although some mornings she is a little hard headed about leaving on time.

So Friday, I drop of the girls, business as usual, and she hits me with 'An offer she couldn't refuse'. So our world is rocked, we weren't prepared for this at all. Do you know how freaking hard it is to find private care at a reasonable rate with people you trust?? There is no option for me to stay at home, so I need to have someone that I can trust with my kids for 9 hours a day.So while part of me is saying 'Yay for her, the opportunity must have been great one and I really want her to succeed', the other part is aching for my 2 year old who loves going to daycare and loves the people she is around all day. How do you explain to a child, you won't be going there anymore?? How to make her understand that this is no longer a place that will be steady in your life? 'You don't', is what my husband texted me back when I asked him these questions as I balled my eyes out at work.

As shocking as this change is, I do have to say I was suspicious. Why do you ask? Because months ago, she had to make arrangements for Ava to be picked up early because an appointment suddenly came up. I have been in the working field for over 10 years and am working at my 8th job. I have used the 'an appointment came up' several times to interview somewhere else. It's like the number one excuse to use to get out of work and try to do something else. We have all used it at one time or another. But I haven't heard that excuse for months now so I thought it was all behind us. WRONG!!!

So now my husband and I are working with our family and the other kid's parents to find a great private sitter, and trying to keep the kids together. I don't know if it's going to work or not. So a week before Christmas I am trying to take care of something bigger than the holiday and just really not in the mood for it all. I want my kids to have a second home with someone they love to spend time with. Ava will probably be fine, Hailey of course has no clue right now. I am hoping to find somewhere with kids around her age, especially if the kids she is with now must go to other places and they cannot stick together. I am told this will be harder all around on me than it will be on her. I pray everyone is right about this and Ava just rolls with the change and thrives with it.